Lossent (noun)
1a: One who outlives a biological child.
b: a person who outlives a child they adopted, fostered, or raised as their offspring.
2: Someone who is deeply affected by the death of a child member in their immediate or extended family.
Creation of the Word
When my daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with leukemia in 1999 I was numb and unprepared for the wild ride to come; she received modern medical treatment off-and-on for eight years. When she died it was beyond excruciating. To make matters even worse, there was not a single word to describe the incredible pain or the totality of the experience I had been through…so I created one.
Grief is not an emotion; it is an unexplainable state…
Thankfully, the availability of the internet allowed me to easily enter the rabbit hole of researching how and what is involved in creating a new word (neology, lexicology, and etymology, oh-my!) Losing a child has repeatedly been called ‘the greatest loss’ and the suffix “–ent” is most often used to modify nouns.
After a while of playing around with it, I eventually put together loss+ent, which I believe is appropriate, useful and obvious enough to fulfill the sometimes-need to express this horrific experience/event/feeling with language.
Like the single-word simplicity of widow or orphan, I crafted the word lossent as a way of simply letting others know what I’ve been through, without any of the details, while adequately encapsulating such a major life experience.
~ Lisathelossent
Over the years it comforted me, but I didn’t use it openly. It was my private word for my private pain–which I kept to myself for over a decade. Around the 16th anniversary of Amy’s death, I suddenly knew it was time to share it with others after I repeatedly felt her energy asking me, “What are you waiting for?”
Grief is not an emotion; it is an unexplainable state wherein you can find yourself stuck. For the past few decades I’ve been living and healing, seemingly fine and flourishing on the outside while still feeling mostly wrecked, confused, and doubtful inside. Why me? Why her? WTF? What now? What next? What if? Not much meaningful action happens outside when these pointless questions are on a repeat loop inside.
I will always miss Amy, but I have finally come to realize that remaining in a grief state does nothing to honor her or myself. Releasing this word is just another level of growth on my healing journey. By sharing it with others, I hope to ease their grief states enough to allow awareness, grace, and self-honoring to move them forward along their own healing journeys.
Dear Lossent, you may seek comfort and community by clicking here.
P.S. I see you and I love you!