I have participated in various forms of hypnosis several dozen times throughout my life. I’ve found the process to be mostly comfortable and it has proven to have the ability to reveal latent memories, identify or soothe the cause of unclear emotions, or to allow an awareness of inner knowing from beyond my logical, conscious mind.
Three previous hypnosis events come to mind to illustrate my personal experiences.
One pre-hypnosis situation took place at home in my jacuzzi before a scheduled session to quit smoking cigarettes.
I lit and smoked my “last cigarette” before hypnosis. The square, 4-person, jacuzzi was off the master bedroom through a sliding glass door. The spa was dug into the ground with a wooden raised patio built all around it. The entire 10’x20’ patio was walled and covered with the same cedar planks and it felt very cave-like. Safe in the cave, I smoked and I cried.
When the cigarette was gone, the crying continued. The crying intensified as memories flooded my mind–painful stories of smells and sights and sounds all centered around cigarettes, people, and emotions; none of which I can recall today.
But I remember the crying and considerations continued for most of an hour while soaking and bubbling in the hot water. I was late to the session and subsequently quit smoking on that very day. I remained a non-smoker for several years.
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The second experience was not necessarily hypnosis (it was more of a coaching session), but it revealed a powerful connection between my emotions about Amy’s cancer treatment travels and my strong resistance to commuting for work.
Just a few years ago I was literally curled up on the floor of my living room in a fetal position, crying in pain with anxiety over not wanting to apply for jobs that were over a 30-minute oneway drive from home. Imagine the same deep, sobbing, confused, jacuzzi-crying coming from deep within my body, with my mind playing reels of crazy shit that had happened to me on the numerous freeway drives to the oncologist and back (over 2 hours away from home).
Then, with my coach’s gentle presence over my cell phone speaker and by my patience in allowing the subconscious process to work, as if by magic, I felt a flash of intense calm and a disconnection between the death of my daughter and any resistance to a freeway ride to or from a job.
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Last week I had one more mentionable hypnosis experience.
This one was focused on identifying causal events for targeted emotions starting with anger, sadness, and fear. The pre-hypnosis exercise led me to the prior situations wherein I had perceived blocks about my confidence or ability to earn a living self-sufficiently.
As we began the actual session, the first focused emotion of anger wasn’t registering with me. I kept breathing, relaxing into a deeper state, inviting my conscious mind to stand down, yet I only whispered, “No anger. There’s no anger.”
I could sense that the hypnotist was wanting something to work with so she instructed me to go farther back to my childhood, or time in the womb before my birth into this body, or even possibly to another (past) life. Again, for several silent minutes there was not one incident that came to my awareness.
I can’t be sure if I fabricated it, or one finally surfaced, but I began to sense the feeling of anger from far, far back in my memory on the left side of my brain or body; so far back that it felt to be at least three generations ago. It felt like a rural community disagreement that had nothing to do with me.
The next exercise to find a root source of any sadness was also not quickly evident. She changed up how she was speaking, continued guiding me with deep breathing to deepen my state of relaxation, and asked me to view my life timeline from birth to today (or a time in the womb or a previous life) from a perspective of 30,000 feet above the scene.
With prompting about an age and event, I was suddenly confident as I said, “In the womb. The parents are fighting, yelling. She’s so sad. The mom is so sad. I’m not sure if it’s my mom, but the man is angry and they are yelling. The pregnant mom is so sad, so the baby is sad.”
Woah. Those two emotions and exercises were very interesting to me. The first felt forced, but the next was more natural. Casual, and the causal situation made sense; it resonated with me.
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We ended that exercise and I gave my permission and willingness to do one more emotion in the session. The next emotion and event was fear.
I resettled into a state of relaxation, guided by her voice and the instructions to remain observing from a bird’s eye view of the event that caused deep-rooted fear to exist for me. When she asked at what age this event occured, I immediately said, “Three years old.”
I’m curious as hell about how exposure to fear (false evidence appearing real) can permeate our psyche and remain an invisible shield from success for years.
I began sniffling, preparing to cry, and she reminded me to not feel the emotions, not to be ‘in the room’ but to view the event from 30,000 feet above. “People are yelling. My parents are yelling at each other. I’m scared! I’m hiding.” As I began to cry, she kept her voice steady and reminded me to not be ‘in the scene’ but I bolted upright crying, reached for a tissue at tableside and kept my eyes closed, dabbing away the tears and blowing my clear-running nose.
After a few silent minutes I had calmed down and she asked a few more questions. I was able to confirm the fear was because others were still yelling, it still frightened me, and I began crying again despite her insistence that I remain above it.
Somehow I was able to see and say that “there was nothing I did wrong,” but the tears kept coming, harder and faster to the point that I couldn’t breath lying down, so I bolted upright again and opened my eyes. “The fear is strong. It hurts. They are so angry and yelling at each other!”
It was evident that she didn’t want me to be ‘in the emotion’, and I couldn’t get out of it, so we ended the session as quickly as possible.
Since that session I haven’t sat quietly long enough to review what occurred or to process any of it in quiet meditation or journaling. I’m happy to share the first writing about it here and will likely check back with progress as I move through it. I’m curious as hell about how exposure to fear (false evidence appearing real) can permeate our psyche and remain an invisible shield from success for years.
There’s so much that I’ve learned in my decades of grieving and growing, but I continue to be amazed (and amused) at the psychological / existential / spiritual happenings accessible to humans!