Aging has been an interesting transformation. Alongside the physical changes, I notice and appreciate the transformation of my grief the most.
My sister digitized an old video tape recording of my 30th birthday party; watching it the other day I saw much about myself that remains the same, yet I also saw many behaviors and beliefs that have been dropped. Modified. Replaced. Transformed.
The opposite of again is nevermore.
So…recently I began taking an herbal supplement to help balance out post-menopausal hormones…somewhere in the material I saw the line, “Feel like yourself again!”
That struck me oddly after viewing the video…feel like myself again? Like myself? Again? When?
Myself at 20 years old? Or 30? 50? I thought to myself, I wouldn’t even know what a former version of me would feel like now! And why would I want to go back? Or bring it forward to my present? No thanks.
I realized in a flash how every age and stage of growth requires a necessary transformation. True to its definition, transformation does not refer to a return to a previous condition or state–it is most often used to indicate improvement, positive changes, and progress.
The opposite of again is nevermore. I will nevermore feel like a previous version of myself again.
Sure, I might daydream about having a pre-pregnant abdomen, or my daughter alive, but I AM never something that I will be again, and will always reside within a present, improved, positive and progressed version of myself.
Of all the random podcasts available, this morning I stumbled upon someone interviewing an HR gal-gone-viral, RaQuel Hopkins. My paraphrasing may be a bit out of context, but you’ll get it:
You can’t grow by remaining in pain…
The way you live is a choice…
Mental health is not about comfort, it’s more about capacity.
Capacity matters more than comfort…
Coping keeps you functional…
Capacity is about what you produce…
It’s not about helping people feel better…
It’s about how do you become a better person?
Development makes you capable…
Her words encapsulate my final thoughts about aging, grief and transformation = development.
